我的父亲

我有一个姐姐和两个弟弟。
从小，我的父亲都非常疼爱我姐姐，因为当我姐姐出世时，就一直带财运给我父亲。所以，我父亲一直认为我姐姐是他的幸运星。
而我呢，排行第二。当时，他是非常的希望我是个男孩。怎么知道，我却是个女孩。
所以，他不怎么的疼爱我。

在我小时候，和别的小孩一样，都特别的敏感。
我们知道自己的父亲不疼爱我们，我们尝试了各种方法去讨好自己的父亲。
当时，大概只有十岁的我，在电视上学西方国家的方法。。
就是在临睡前，给父亲一个亲吻。
如此的亲密接触，却得不到我想要的结果。尝试了好几次，得到的都是冷酷的结局。
而后，才深深知道这是无法改变的事实。

从那时起，我对自己说，我不需要父亲的爱，也不需要家人的帮忙。。。
幸运的，我的老师们都非常疼爱我，所以我不去在乎父亲对我的不理不睬。
除此之外，我让自己学会独立，面对跌倒，失败等等。。。
所有的事情，都自己解决。在家里，我选择的是报喜不报忧的态度。

逐渐，我慢慢长大了。踏入了社会。
我的确是比我姐姐成熟，独立。
即使我去哪里都不忘给家人买些东西回来。
但是我还是觉得家人对待她还是多爱于我。

在我开始工作后，我赚的第一比钱，给自己买部二手的车子。
再努力的赚钱，给自己买间二手的屋子，让家人和我一起住。
这些努力，却得不到赞赏，反而得到的是自作主张。

或许年长的关系，我开始了解为什么我的父亲比较疼爱我姐姐。
原来，我从来不会和我父亲沟通。在同一部车子里，我们可以一句话都没说。
而我姐姐却会滔滔不绝的和父亲说这说那的。

我的独立，让我和父亲之间隔了部围墙。
我们谁都不愿意溶化那部冰做的围墙。

就比如，今天是我姐姐的生日。他却如此记得。
而且还吩咐我记得买蛋糕回来给她。
而我的生日是几时，他却完全不知道。
多么不公平的对待啊。。。

我告诉自己，以后我绝对不可以这样对待我的孩子。
我不可以如此偏心的只疼爱一个或两个。我一定要对他们都公平的。。

Writing

Don't know since when, I have lose my patient in writing blog, where I do love writing since young.
In the past, I will try to write at least a post in a day, and I did it.

During my university time, I wrote in forum. I share my thought.
After graduated from university, I continue writing, but in multiply and BlogSpot.
After 3 years working if I not mistaken, I stop my writing.
Is either too busy or no passionate to continue.

There are many times I would like to continue writing again.
But, there are also too many excuses and reasons to hold me back.
Else, I only wrote a post today and forget the rest of the days.

This is how bad am I... where I still think of to be an author.

To be an author, I can have my own time, own space.
I doesn't need to interact much with others, dependence on others to complete my work, etc
I can start my imagination, I can put in my dream, I can write story that I love, I can have many style, etc
But, can this be true? I have doubt.

In Malaysia, to be an author is not easy. Is not like in Taiwan. Many publishers in the market and you may send your writing/ novel to a few publishers. This should be quite interesting.
But, in Malaysia always not the case. In order to find a publisher is not easy. Plus need to depends on how's your writing skills whether they like it or not.

Let me continue and enhance my writing skill in my blog first, before I really ready on that. But, no one know about my blog and no one can comment it. It gonna be a sad case too.

I think I need to be active in forum again, so that people can read my writing and comment on it.