Disappointed

After tried a few times, the result still very disappointed. I do not express my disappointment feeling towards my husband, because I know he also have the same feeling.

Now only I realise, a woman who can pregnant is a very happy things. Means you are a complete woman... I am disappointed and have a feeling that I am a worst woman, who unable to get pregnant. I always tell myself that, I still do not have fate with baby yet, therefore the baby angel still haven't find me. The positive aura still do not influence me a lot.


Every month, I looking forward to receive the good news, at the same time, I also telling myself do not put too much expectation on and do not keep thinking on that. But, I always uncontrollable. Few days before menstrual visit, I do hope please don't visit me this month, but, god didn't hear me. My menstrual still visit me on time.

Again and again, my disappointment feeling getting increase every month. I getting no passionate on that anymore. I was thinking to adopt a baby orphan. I know I should not give up so easily, but I think my heart is tired.

Every time when friends or relatives asked me about this question, I really feel the pain. I do not know how to answer them. I do hope nobody ask me such questions anymore. But, still unavoidable.

Chinese New Year around the corner already. I really scare of that, because I can expect many people asking me again, especially my mother in law who expected that very much. They didn't know how much I wanted to have a baby, but unfortunately, I still failed to do so.


People said I must be in pressure, frankly speaking, I do not know. I know I try to be careful, before my next month menstrual visit. But no matter how careful am I, the result still not as per my expectation.

Please, give me a clear breath~! I need my mind to get away from this matter!!